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Author Archives: Taufiq

My Jihad


It’s already some years from some events that happened in my life. You know, in every place that you have been, they will make distinct impressions. Maybe some years ago I feel about that, but here right now, not so completely different but you know that they have the same root, the same cause.

Sometimes we need to confronting other people, sometimes we need to persuade them, but most in my life I saw men destroys other men. However, I am lucky that I grow up in a family that put conscience as a primary in life.  I face different creatures. I took up new challenges. But still, it’s me with the same attitude.

Like many years ago, like I always said, it is in a struggle that I’m living. There is no so called easy things in a struggle. And if I always got the hardest way, well, maybe that is the way that He arrange for me to serve Him. Not through the smooth and straight path, but by the many surprising possibilities that still fascinating me until now.

This is my jihad, and I hope it is Fisabilillah.

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Jun 12, 2017



Welcomed in herds
Worked, whipped like a horse
Feed of leftover
Treated like a waste

In the same time,

Commended like a warrior
High words
Heroic songs
Up to the sky

Proved everything,

Talk is cheap
Do, is hard
As long as we, I, realize
Attitude, of gratitude
Limitless cure

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Jun 15, 2016

Begin Again


I gave up hope
Was dead inside
Stayed lost within a world I chose to hide
Then I found my faith in him
And now I can
Begin again
I once believed
Our fate was sealed

But now at last, the truth has been revealed
In an instant
Life could change
And now and then begin again
I know that I am meant for something more
That life beyond these walls
Has greater things in store

When I heard his voice, I realized
I’d never be the same
Instantly I knew my life had changed
I dream of peace
Above all else
To share a world where we could be ourselves
We must learn to rise above the past
Before we can at last
Begin again

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Jun 12, 2016

Sequence VII: Lighthouse



And where will we be tomorrow
If we do not leave today?

The more we wait for things to change
The more they stay the same
And the more they stay the same
We change

With all the floodgates opened
Walls of water at our heels
Where do we go from here?
Where we will turn to?
With all the shouldered load
With all the limitless possibilities

Like birds of passage flying free
Aimlessly soaring
Between time and space sorrow and joy

Through the night and undergrowth
We set out for the sea
Peering adsorbing consuming
And nothing ever good enough

No river too wide
No ocean too deep
No mountain too high
The myriads of open roads

Wayfarers at the crossroads
There’s always more than this never more than this
Eyes elude the landmarks
And the flame is swallowed now

Every river too wide
Every ocean too deep
Every mountain too high
The myriads of open roads

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Apr 9, 2016

All of My Angst. Part 2


The human race, generally and normally, has three primary needs to live and survive on this earth, which is food, cloth, and house. Then secondary needs, which could vary depend on the condition. Then tertiary, more specifically depends on the human behaviour themselves. When the situation and condition is stable and get better over time, the needs were also growing. Human must be able to decided which needs that must be fullfilled first.

Start with primary needs, obviously the most cost consuming, housing. Took the constraint here in this country. With the keep high rising property price but slowly evolving small salary that could not keep up with that, whether want it or not, to have a proper (financially feasible with basic facility) and secure (again, financially feasible with basic facility) housing, bank loan must be taken.

Then the secondary, depend on my (present) family, with my grandmother, mother, father, one brother, and three sisters, not counting my (going to be) family. The health care, the education, and the transportation, a motorcycle would not be enough to adequately accommodate all of them (although my family has maximizing the usage of the minimized public transport). Again, bank loan.

The wed, yeah you know, it would also put a big hurricane to the pocket, and it also pull the down payment all those two.

Not mentioning everyday needs until the D-Day.

House, vehicle, wed, all of those big expenditures. All seems impossible without mortgage or loan with my age and position right now. But I don’t want to live under the burden of monthly bills, debts, and payments.

To make those things up, for now I realized that must put aside my secondary and tertiary dreams, the dreams that took most of my time during these days, to reach the primary needs, that I forgot during most of these days.

In the end, Bismillah, the show must go on again. Belt tight, hold tight, sleep tight.

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Nov 15, 2015

For the Future. Part 2


Last year I took a deciding decision. Before I took that decision, I had very bad days run, I could not think clearly. And I make a plan to escape from that, the plan that looks pretty beautiful at that time. But I made this plan more with emotion than with logical thinking. And after all of the blood, sweat, and tears, those plan failed. All of the backup plans were slips away also. I would not tell how come, not now. Both affected mainly by myself, and from external condition (you know that).

From one side it could be viewed as a very huge blunder. If I stay in my previous occupation, I could save and spend my budget on all of those expenditures on the right time with minimal loan, and could even without any loan (if everything goes in plan also).

But from the other side, it could be viewed as a rescue. If I stay in my previous occupation, I could trapped in a zone, set of skills and knowledge that hardly could be applied elsewhere in the energy industry. The external condition that I mentioned before, predicted that it would last at least until 10 years. Which mean I could not switch to other job swiftly, not like right now. If something bad happened during that 10 years span, it would be the same. And worse, what must I do with my family?

And now, one and half plus years after my big deciding decision. Finally I landed a job on the energy industry again on the opposite sector (before was very upstream, and now is very downstream, relatively). On the job training actually. Starting from all over again, from the bottom, 3 years from my graduation.

Unintentionally, my present job got benefited by the once again mentioned external condition. I have the experiences, starting skills and knowledges. And I hope its only how to adapt faster to catch the objectives right on the time. How I manage my emotion, my ego, and my angst. And if there were more drama going to be happened, I hope I could tackle all of them down. I must take all of those advantages (and disavantages) to step and run through all task, the deadline, all of the barriers and obstacles.

One of my friend said that I was a failed man for 18 months, but I was lucky enough that those months were still on the early stage of my life. All of the mistakes and failures in the past were the provisions for the future. There are still many many months wait ahead, if God wills it. I believe with the more more careful plan and carefully crafted strategy, all of that could be hit and get.

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Nov 12, 2015

Drop the Six


When I was in highschool, I got accidentally tripped to metal music. Not really joined the scene though, I dug into the culture. I observed that many of its subgenre use astrological and mythological theme. Out one of many theme, I found that number 666 was show up very very frequently. It appear on the legendary Iron Maiden song, “The Number of the Beast”. At that times, I thought it was so cool and yeah, you could say it was pretty rock and roll. 6 is the difference of the month and the day of my birthday. Beside that, there was a reason that I could not write it there. But after all, starting from that time, I use the number 666 as part of my handle in world wide web. ‘top_x_666’ at first, then ‘topx666’ to shorthen it. Especially after I start to learn about computer in my first year in college, many people use pseudonym username, so why not I also use it.

So the time goes by. People had to be grown up. It is not relevant anymore. I think it is the time to drop it from public usage. And I decided to roll back my kandangbuaya and twitter username from now on. Well actually, I could not find any other handle that equally cool, but not as disturbing as it. And for your info, I still love metal music.

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Feb 26, 2015



Since I was kid, my dreams in sleeping was very much strange. Maybe because I read many books, including my grandfather’s massive book collection and many comics that I read from the comic rental, and I watch so many films, including much early Japanese anime that shown on the TV. I also often be carried up by my mother to visit her friends and my relatives.

Much of my dreams’ plot was a journey. And the majority of it was an escape journey, either from a ruthless warlord, a ferocious chieftain, or escape from a disaster. I had a dream about 3 weeks ago, an Ebola outbreak spreads in Indonesia, me and my family ran off to remote mountain to evade the epidemics. Other people stayed in the city and wait for the relief that promised by the government. I didn’t know if they survived. We lived on the forest to survive. We grew our own food, and my brother hunting forest animal.

Sometimes, on my dreams I was on a mission, to obtain something, or to destroy something. I got my objectives from various people, from my father, to a village elder. My dreams 2 weeks ago, Islamic State of Iraq and Syria/Levant (ISIS/ISIL) invade Yogyakarta, and I been captured by one of their squad. The soldiers were common young Javanese boys. They have a commander, a big guy with very amazing beard. I thought that he was not an Arab man. Because when I hear their conversation, the commander speaks using a Southern American dialect, more precisely Texan English dialect. I managed to escape from their base in border of Yogyakarta and Klaten, about near Prambanan. I ran to the rural northeast.

And much of my dreams was set on or passing a cemetery, huge and vast cemetery. And nearly all of that were royal noble family cemetery building complex. In my dreams, sometimes the cemetery keeper told me that the complex was the cemetery of my ancestors, so I didn’t need to be scared. Sometimes the whole town was a cemetery. I had to passed the cemetery to meet my mission objectives. Sometimes my foes in that dreams, didn’t dare to chase me through the cemetery. So it was like I was save inside the cemetery complex.

Some of my past dreams, were more bizarre than my dreams I explained above. I don’t know what the meaning of that dreams. But I knew that they were the amalgamations of my feeling at that time. Maybe I should dig up and write some of them.

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Oct 31, 2014

Public Transport is Dying in Jogja


This few days, my mother told me that it is harder to get Biskota. For example, the highway near my house, it used to be passed by Jalur 7, but lately rarely passed, if didn’t pass at all anymore. It passed by Transjogja too, but between the bus stops are too far here.

It was just one of the example, and it was relatively easy as my home rather close to the city. In my last post, I suggest the people to maximize the use of public transportation to reduces the consumption of gasoline fuel. But when the reality said that public transport in Jogja cannot accomodates the needs of the people, what I have to say?

My friend who had home in Pakem, close to Merapi Mountain, argued that there is no public transportation up north from Jogja to the foot of Merapi anymore. His family must join that fuel queue to ensure that they could go to work and to school. The extinction of the public transportation happened in the other places in this province as well.

Because of the rapid growth of the economic in Jogja this lately, the number of motorvehicles also multiplied dramatically. It is not uncommon to see many traffic jams on many spots, not only on morning and afternoon rush hours, but nearly all the day long, except for late night and early morning.

The majority of Jogja’s population had shifted and relied on their own motorvehicles. It was seen as one of the sign of prosperity. But the side effect, public transport system that mainly managed by private owners slowly died out, because their passengers disappeared. In the other words, the public transport is dying in Jogja.

But what about the people who reside on the same foot of Merapi, but they cannot afford any motorvehicles, and must go to work in the city, or to the market to sell their agricultural products? They definitely still need public transport to live and to improve their lives.

Businessmen who ran angkot or bus business see public transport as a way to make money. They didn’t ran it for charity. When it didn’t make profit anymore, they shifted to other business too. So, this is the position of the government, to make sure that all the people had a chance to improve their lives. However, the government also didn’t want to ran it when the majority of the people didn’t have any concern about this.

Imagine this, Jogja has been known as a City of Tourism, City of Culture, City of Education since a long time ago. Is it comfortable for the tourist to see motorvehicles everywhere? Merapi Mountain also one of popular tourist destination in Jogja, is it a new culture to rent vehicles as the only way to go there and anywhere around in Jogja? Is it educated when we see traffic jams, and the people who ignorantly keep rang their horns?

I remember, when I still on the junior high school, me and many other students who had home far from school still had Biskota. I remember when there were many students bicycle riding convoys in the morning. The traffic accidents that caused by kids who ride motorcycles were very rare. I remember when I still a child, me and my family went to Kaliurang by legendary Baker bus. The atmospheres was so peaceful and made me missed with those old days.

I’m not refusing development and modernization. We shall look on Japan. It is a modern and developed country. Look at the Japanese way of life, they have cars, but they know that the public transport also important. Their systematic integration of all form of public transport systems made it easier to travel nearly anywhere, so they prefer to take public transport than ride their cars.

Definitely, we still need public transport, for the sake of our city and ourselves. We don’t want Jogja looks the same as the other big cities in Java for their crowded and busy streets, whereas majority of those big cities have better public transport than Jogja. As a native of Jogjakarta, I still want to live comfortably, happily, and peacefully in this city, and other people as well I think. Of course it cannot be done instantly. With a goodwill and some courage and works, I believe that we could make it.

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Sep 25, 2014

Fuel Queue Deception


Last week we saw a phenomenon in Yogyakarta, a long fuel queue happened in all fuel stations. Some people said that the fuel prices would be raised, some said the gasoline was going to be scarce. There were incidents that stained in some places, like queue grabing. One of the incidents even become a national headline.

I’m not going to talk about the incident. I just want to highlight that the people want to waste their time to do the queue under the hot Sun for hours. As we know, Yogyakarta today has transformed from past time “Kota Sepeda” to a “Kota Sepeda Motor, dan Mobil”. Of course motorcycle could bring you anywhere faster than any mass transport systems that we have here. And of course people don’t consider bicycle a fashionable form of vehicle anymore. But with the queue, it was not fashionable, and it was not saving your time.

But in the time like this, people still could be easily deceived by the cheap rumors. The Governor himself, the Sultan, guaranteed that the fuel supply still adequate until the end of the year. TransJogja and Biskota didn’t affected by the queue because they use Solar diesel fuel, the queue was only on gasoline Premium and Pertamax. Why they don’t think “Owh there is queue on the fuel station, so I will take a bus, or I will use bicycle”. Especially for them who don’t really need motorvehicles to live, like students, civil servants, among others.

The true victims of the queue is the poor people and microbussinesses in places that don’t have close public transport access and too far or too hard to reach, like Kulon Progo and Gunung Kidul remote hills. They must share their subsidized fuel quota with officials riding luxurious Camry and students from wealthy family with CBR. It is a big shame.

My take on fuel, still about the same with two years ago, the prices definitely should be raised, but this time slightly different. It is easy to differentiate an expensive and a chep vehicle. Why don’t the government differentiate the fuel prices also for this case? An easy example, the gasoline price for vehicle that made on 2000 downwards, could receive Premium at Rp 7.000. And vehicle that made on 2000 upwards, must buy Pertamax at Rp 15.000. There were already some rhetorics, suggestions, but how about making this to be a clear policy.

And my other sidethoughts also unchanged. Conversion to the more renewable energy should be immediately increased, the subsidy for the true poor (the family who don’t have any home, and couldn’t afford meal three times a day), progressive tax for the rich, and immediately improved public transport. The clear and strict law to the culprit and grafter also must be imposed. The capture of Energy Minister by KPK couple days ago was a good sign.

Well, I’m just a common citizen. Had my opinion in here my Kandangbuaya. In the end I hope everything will be fine, and no more queue.

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Sep 5, 2014