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Monthly Archives: November 2015

All of My Angst. Part 2

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The human race, generally and normally, has three primary needs to live and survive on this earth, which is food, cloth, and house. Then secondary needs, which could vary depend on the condition. Then tertiary, more specifically depends on the human behaviour themselves. When the situation and condition is stable and get better over time, the needs were also growing. Human must be able to decided which needs that must be fullfilled first.

Start with primary needs, obviously the most cost consuming, housing. Took the constraint here in this country. With the keep high rising property price but slowly evolving small salary that could not keep up with that, whether want it or not, to have a proper (financially feasible with basic facility) and secure (again, financially feasible with basic facility) housing, bank loan must be taken.

Then the secondary, depend on my (present) family, with my grandmother, mother, father, one brother, and three sisters, not counting my (going to be) family. The health care, the education, and the transportation, a motorcycle would not be enough to adequately accommodate all of them (although my family has maximizing the usage of the minimized public transport). Again, bank loan.

The wed, yeah you know, it would also put a big hurricane to the pocket, and it also pull the down payment all those two.

Not mentioning everyday needs until the D-Day.

House, vehicle, wed, all of those big expenditures. All seems impossible without mortgage or loan with my age and position right now. But I don’t want to live under the burden of monthly bills, debts, and payments.

To make those things up, for now I realized that must put aside my secondary and tertiary dreams, the dreams that took most of my time during these days, to reach the primary needs, that I forgot during most of these days.

In the end, Bismillah, the show must go on again. Belt tight, hold tight, sleep tight.

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Nov 15, 2015

For the Future. Part 2

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Last year I took a deciding decision. Before I took that decision, I had very bad days run, I could not think clearly. And I make a plan to escape from that, the plan that looks pretty beautiful at that time. But I made this plan more with emotion than with logical thinking. And after all of the blood, sweat, and tears, those plan failed. All of the backup plans were slips away also. I would not tell how come, not now. Both affected mainly by myself, and from external condition (you know that).

From one side it could be viewed as a very huge blunder. If I stay in my previous occupation, I could save and spend my budget on all of those expenditures on the right time with minimal loan, and could even without any loan (if everything goes in plan also).

But from the other side, it could be viewed as a rescue. If I stay in my previous occupation, I could trapped in a zone, set of skills and knowledge that hardly could be applied elsewhere in the energy industry. The external condition that I mentioned before, predicted that it would last at least until 10 years. Which mean I could not switch to other job swiftly, not like right now. If something bad happened during that 10 years span, it would be the same. And worse, what must I do with my family?

And now, one and half plus years after my big deciding decision. Finally I landed a job on the energy industry again on the opposite sector (before was very upstream, and now is very downstream, relatively). On the job training actually. Starting from all over again, from the bottom, 3 years from my graduation.

Unintentionally, my present job got benefited by the once again mentioned external condition. I have the experiences, starting skills and knowledges. And I hope its only how to adapt faster to catch the objectives right on the time. How I manage my emotion, my ego, and my angst. And if there were more drama going to be happened, I hope I could tackle all of them down. I must take all of those advantages (and disavantages) to step and run through all task, the deadline, all of the barriers and obstacles.

One of my friend said that I was a failed man for 18 months, but I was lucky enough that those months were still on the early stage of my life. All of the mistakes and failures in the past were the provisions for the future. There are still many many months wait ahead, if God wills it. I believe with the more more careful plan and carefully crafted strategy, all of that could be hit and get.

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Nov 12, 2015